Do you feel guilty of everything your kids aren’t capable of doing in comparison to peers? I am extremely guilty of it all the time. I know it is little bit of silliness thinking in that way but that’s exactly how I feel most of the time when my kids miss their milestone.
It’s hard to explain when it all started but all I can remember is that this special trait came into me after becoming a mother. Here are the times or things which made me feel extreme mommy guilt.
- My kids were born preemies in 36th week – Well it started right from here, I guess. I didn’t do anything but since I had twins so it had to happen sometime before 37th week. And to be precise, 90% twin babies are born around close to 35th week onwards. But, I felt guilty that they had to come to this world without being fully developed.
- My both kids never got a chance to sleep with me all night in my bed till 6 months – Frankly speaking, people will find me crazy for even thinking like this as in west cribs are the best place to put in little babies safe but that’s not the case in India. We mothers proudly and safely co-exist with the babies by our side and that makes us spend more time with them. But with twins, the best way was to keep them in cribs as they might fall off from the bed edges.
- My kids hardly gets 100% of my individual attention – Theoretically, you should spend one-to-one time with your kids individually but in my case, 2nd child always does something to break my attention most of the time. If not him/her, I find myself looking for the other one to see, if that little guy is safe or not.
- My kids have delayed speech – My girl said few words by her 2nd birthday but my boy loves humming without uttering a single meaningful word. I always thought it’s them not catching the language, but few days back I met a stranger mom and she rudely blamed it on me for not talking enough with them. I was bit shaken for a moment but then I realized it was a rude way of communicating. How can someone who doesn’t know me well can display her smartness (her 2-year-old daughter was talking in sentences) by showing me low? I mean even if it’s my fault, I would have never ever discouraged a mom in a similar situation. Well, you can’t expect world to be good to you always. I find myself guilty for it anyhow.
- Less fun in arms than on legs – Unlike mom with single kid who do have an option of holding their screaming kids in their arms until they are at peace or calm, I always have to find different ways to divert their attention, so I can avoid a chaotic situation in public. I wish I too can hold them in arms to calm. After all, this is the only age to be like this.
And there are many more such instances which make me feel guilty of crimes which I basically have never committed. I don’t know, if it’s a common trait in moms or it’s unique to few moms but yes that’s how exactly motherhood make you feel at times. You love your kids and you just want best for them and if you happen to miss even a single chance, it fills your heart with ‘Extreme Mommy Guilt’.
Simple Solution to this problem – First, Trust yourself. Don’t forget that it is all matter of circumstances and situations which varies from family to family and can’t be compared. Just utilize whatever time you get with your little ones. Do the best within your possibility. Forget the theory of best mommy guide and just be real mom. Do the best you can do and leave the rest for them to decide later on. Stop comparing your life to others and start enjoying every little bit of you.
P.S – This post is just my real thoughts on mommy guilt trip which I felt personally and could be similar to yours or not.